Asking for and accepting help in the first few weeks with twins

Why accepting help with twins, triplets or more matters

Expecting or welcoming twins, triplets or more is a unique whirlwind of excitement, love and uncertainty. You can feel proud, exhausted, joyful and overwhelmed, sometimes all before lunchtime. None of these feelings means you’re doing anything wrong, they’re simply part of adjusting to life with more than one newborn.

Every multiple birth story is different. Your early days at home will depend on your babies’ needs, whether they arrived early and how you’re recovering physically and emotionally. Even if you prepared carefully, the reality of feeding, settling and caring for more than one baby around the clock can feel far more intense than you expected. Routines often take longer to fall into place than with a single baby.

In the middle of this, welcoming help becomes one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your babies. Support gives you space to rest, to heal and to grab those precious one-to-one moments with each baby that can be hard to find when you’re doing everything yourself. Accepting help isn’t a sign you’re not coping, it’s a sign you’re responding to a big, demanding situation with kindness and realism.

Common worries about accepting support

Lots of parents of multiples feel a strong pull to prove they can manage alone. You might feel very protective, especially if your babies were premature or spent time in neonatal care. You may worry about germs, about other people doing things ‘wrong’ or simply about being in someone’s debt.

It’s also common to feel you might be a burden, or that everyone else is busy. You might tell yourself you ‘should’ be able to cope without help. But raising more than one baby at a time is a genuine full body and full mind workout. Wanting or needing support doesn’t mean you’re failing, it just means you’re human.

Being clear about your boundaries can actually make accepting help feel safer. You can decide how long people stay, what they help with and what’s off limits. It’s absolutely fine to say you’d love a short visit but you’re not up to hosting, or that you’d prefer people not to visit if they’re unwell. Most friends and family would far rather know what works for you than guess and get it wrong.

Remember too that support benefits your babies. When you’re a bit more rested and have practical help, you’re better able to tune into each baby, notice their cues and enjoy them as individuals. Help isn’t just for you, it’s for them as well.

Practical ways to ask for and use help

Asking for help can feel awkward, especially if you’re used to managing everything yourself. With multiples, though, support is more like part of the care plan than a nice extra. Being specific really helps. Instead of “let me know if you can help”, try simple, clear requests such as asking someone to pick up milk and fruit, hold one baby while you feed another or help with sterilising bottles in the afternoon. Most people like to know exactly what would be useful.

A group chat or shared list with close friends or family can also take the pressure off. You might pop in short requests like “anyone free for half an hour early this evening to help with feeds” so people can offer when they’re able. It feels less like you’re asking the same person again and again, and more like a team effort.

It can help to think about what support genuinely lightens your load. Useful help is often quiet and practical, like dropping off a meal, doing a small shop, folding laundry or helping with feeds, burping and nappy changes. Less helpful ‘help’ might be visitors expecting to be entertained, holding a sleeping baby while you rush around or staying long after you’re flagging. You’re allowed to say what works for you.

Many parents who’ve been through the early days with twins, triplets or more say they wish they’d accepted more help.

“Don’t be afraid to ask for help and accept it. I was too proud initially and made it much harder than it needed to be.”

If you don’t have friends or family living nearby, you’re still not on your own. Some parents find it helpful to ask a relative to stay for a short spell in the early weeks. Keeping communication open is key here. Talk regularly about how everyone’s feeling, what support you need and what is or isn’t working so the arrangement feels good for everyone.

There are also organisations, community services and peer support groups designed for families like yours. You might find it helpful to explore our page ‘Finding additional support when your babies arrive’, which brings together options for extra help in the early weeks at home, and ‘Getting support after a NICU stay’ if that has been part of your journey.

Building your support network over time

Your support needs will change as your babies grow, and so will the help that feels most useful. In the very early weeks you might need hands-on, practical support at home. Later on, you might value someone taking the babies for a short walk, entertaining older siblings or simply sitting with you while you feed.

The more you practise asking for and accepting help, the more natural it usually feels. You’ll start to notice who offers the kind of support that really helps and which requests make the biggest difference to your energy and mood. Bit by bit, you’ll build a small network around you, even if it’s only a couple of people to begin with.

Most importantly, remember that you deserve support, not because you’re struggling but because caring for more than one baby is a big job. Saying yes to help is one way of saying yes to your own wellbeing and to the needs of each of your babies. You don’t have to do this on your own, and you’re allowed to lean on others while you find your own rhythm as a family.