Coping when one twin is unwell

When illness affects one twin more than the other

When one twin is unwell, life can shift overnight. You might suddenly be in hospital with one child while their sibling stays at home, or trying to comfort a poorly twin on the sofa while the other still wants to play and be noisy. It is a lot for any parent to carry, especially with twins, triplets or more.

You may feel pulled in different directions and worry you are letting someone down. These feelings are incredibly common for parents of multiples. You are not doing anything wrong; you are dealing with a situation that would challenge anyone.

In the middle of appointments, medicines and broken sleep, your own needs can slip to the bottom of the list. But you matter in this picture too. Taking tiny moments to breathe, accept help and keep things simple can make this intense time a little more manageable.

Managing hospital visits, home life and big feelings

When one twin is unwell, the practical side can feel like a military operation. There might be hospital stays, regular check-ups or new medication to keep track of. Keeping information in one place, such as a small notebook or notes on your phone, can help you feel a bit more in control.

The twin at home can feel unsettled or left out if their routine suddenly changes. Where you can, keep small things predictable, like bedtime stories, favourite cups or school drop-offs. These familiar moments help your child feel safe when everything else feels different.

Emotionally, you might swing between worry, relief and exhaustion in a single day. You may feel guilty leaving one child to be with the other or worry that the twin at home is ‘missing out’. None of this means you love either child less. It simply shows how deeply you care about both.

You do not need to hide your feelings completely. It can help to say simple things like, “Mummy or Daddy feels a bit worried today, but the doctors are helping” in a calm voice. This shows your children that big feelings are allowed and that you are still their safe base.

Practical ways to support both twins during illness

You cannot be in two places at once, so small, practical tweaks can ease the pressure a little. You might find it easier if you:

• Choose a trusted family member or friend to be a regular support person for the twin at home
• Share short updates in one group message so you are not repeating the same information all day
• Keep a simple hospital bag packed and ready near the door
• Keep a spare comfort toy or blanket for each child in case you are separated unexpectedly

Staying connected between the twins can bring comfort. You could swap cuddly toys so each child has their sibling’s favourite, send photos or short videos, or have a quick call at bedtime if one of them is in hospital. These tiny touches help them feel close, even when they are apart.

Be honest but gentle when you explain what is happening. Short phrases work well, such as, “Your brother is poorly, so he needs to stay at the hospital for a bit. The doctors are helping him get better”. Try to avoid blaming language like “because you passed on germs”’, which can create unnecessary worry or guilt.

If school or nursery is involved, let them know what is going on. They can keep an extra eye on the child who is attending, offer a bit more comfort and understand if behaviour changes for a while.

Being gentle with yourself while your family recovers

In all of this, your own needs can easily slide to the bottom of the list. Try to notice the basics when you can: eating something every few hours, drinking water and grabbing rest in short bursts. Accepting practical help with meals, washing or childcare gives you more energy for the things only you can do.

It can help to lower the bar for a while. This might mean more screen time than usual, simple meals and a messier home. That is not bad parenting, it is sensible energy saving while you get through a tough patch.

Talking things through with someone who understands life with multiples can make a real difference, whether that is another parent of twins, a friend, your health visitor or our helpline. You do not have to carry the worry on your own.

Most of all, try to notice the small wins. Maybe you got everyone dressed, remembered the medicine and managed one calm cuddle on the sofa. That is a lot to achieve on a hard day. You are doing more than enough, even if it does not feel like it.

(LINK) A personal story could be added to this – Helen had one in hospital for a while and her other baby was at home