Coping with exhaustion as a twin parent

Coping with exhaustion as a twin parent

When you imagined life with twins, you might have pictured double cuddles, matching outfits and cute photos. You probably didn’t picture counting the minutes until the next feed while trying to remember when you last ate something yourself. Exhaustion as a twin parent can feel full-on, constant and very lonely at times.

You’re doing all the usual new parent jobs, just with two babies and the same 24 hours in the day. There may be extra appointments, hospital visits or worries if your babies arrived early. You might also be recovering from birth, trying to support a partner, or parenting older children as well. It is a lot.

If you’ve ever found yourself crying over cold tea, forgetting what day it is or feeling like everyone else is coping better, you’re not alone. Many parents of twins, triplets or more describe a deep, foggy tiredness that colours everything. Reaching out for support, including from Twins Trust, can make that load feel a little lighter.

How exhaustion shows up when you have twins

Exhaustion is more than just feeling sleepy. It can affect your mind, your body and your relationships. You might notice that you feel:

• More irritable, tearful or snappy than you usually are
• Foggy and forgetful, struggling to make simple decisions
• Overwhelmed by small tasks like replying to messages or loading the washing machine

Physically, your body may ache from lifting, feeding and rocking two babies. Your back, arms and shoulders work hard all day and often all night too. Headaches, tight muscles and a general sense of running on empty are very common.

Emotionally, it can be a jumble. You might love your children fiercely and still secretly long for just one uninterrupted night’s sleep. You might feel guilty that you can’t split yourself in two, or worried that you’re not doing enough for each baby. That guilt is heavy, especially when you’re already worn out.

If you have a partner, you may both be exhausted and snappy, arguing over whose turn it is to get up. If you’re parenting alone, the responsibility can feel endless. None of this means you’re doing a bad job. It means you’re tired and carrying a lot.

This is exactly the kind of thing you can talk about with other parents in Twins Trust’s online communities (LINK), or with someone on our helpline (LINK). Sometimes just saying out loud, “I’m shattered and this is hard,” to someone who understands can make you feel less alone.

Small changes that can make tired days easier

You can’t remove night wakes or magically add more hours to the day, but there are gentle shifts that can help you cope. Think of them as tools for survival rather than ways to create a perfect routine.

You might try shifting your expectations of what a ‘good’ day looks like. On some days, getting everyone fed and safely through to bedtime is more than enough. The house doesn’t need to be spotless. Toys on the floor just mean children live there.

Short pockets of rest can be surprisingly powerful. Sitting down whenever the babies nap, closing your eyes for ten minutes while someone else watches them, or going to bed earlier once or twice a week can all add up over time.

If friends or family ask how they can help, be specific. You could ask them to drop off a simple meal, take a load of laundry, push a pram while you walk with empty hands or pick up a few things from the shops. People often like having a clear task. LINK TO INF-25 Asking for and accepting help

Your support doesn’t have to come only from people you know in person. Our online communities (LINK) are a space where you can offload about how tired you are, share the hard moments and hear from other parents who really get it. Posting at 3am when you’re up feeding and seeing replies from other tired parents can make the night feel less endless.

The Twins Trust helpline (LINK) is there if you’d rather talk things through one-to-one. You can use it to offload, ask questions, or simply say, “I’m exhausted and I don’t know what to do next”. The person on the other end understands life with multiples and will listen without judgement. That conversation might help you spot one or two small changes that could ease your days.

If your tiredness is starting to affect your mood a lot, it’s also worth speaking to your GP or health visitor. Exhaustion, low mood and anxiety can feed into each other and you deserve proper support for all of it.

Being kinder to yourself as a tired twin parent

Coping with exhaustion as a twin parent isn’t about becoming super-efficient or positive all the time. It’s about recognising that this is an intense season of life and giving yourself permission to do what you need to get through it. That might mean saying no to certain plans, choosing easy meals or asking for more help than you usually would.

Try to notice what you’re already managing. You’re getting up again and again in the night. You’re comforting two babies, juggling feeds and nappies, and somehow keeping your family going. You’re showing up, even on the days when you feel like you have nothing left. That effort counts.

As time goes on, the tiredness will change. There will still be busy, noisy days, but you’ll usually get more stretches of sleep and more chances to rest. In the meantime, keep your expectations kind, keep accepting help where you can, and remember that the Twins Trust community is here to listen.

You don’t have to enjoy every moment or have everything under control. You just have to keep going in the gentlest way you can, one tired step at a time, knowing you’re not doing it alone.