How to support a friend who has had twins

Why thoughtful support matters when your friend has twins

When a friend has twins, their world changes overnight. There’s all the usual emotion of becoming a parent, just doubled. Two babies to feed, settle and cuddle, two sets of nappies, two tiny people needing attention around the clock. While that can be joyful and exciting, it can also feel intense and isolating.

You’re already doing something kind by pausing to think about how you can really help. Parents of twins often find that their experience looks very different from friends who’ve had one baby at a time. Plans that worked for other new parents might not fit when there are two newborns and possibly an exhausted partner who’s recovering from birth or surgery.

Good support does not have to be grand or complicated. It’s about noticing what their days are actually like, offering help in ways that fit around that, and staying steady in the background so they know you are there.

What your friend with twins might be going through

In the whirlwind of life with twins, your friend might struggle to put into words what they need. They may be up all night, juggling feeding two babies, worrying about finances or dividing attention fairly between their children. Even sending a simple text can feel like a big job when they are sleep-deprived.

They might also feel a little out of step with their usual friendship group. If most of their friends have either no children or single babies, it can be hard to explain why leaving the house takes so long or why they cancel plans at the last minute. That sense of being different can make them withdraw just when they need connection the most.

There can be emotional ups and downs too. Alongside the love and pride, there may be guilt about not having enough hands, sadness if the birth was difficult, or anxiety about the future. Sometimes parents of twins, triplets or more feel they should be ‘coping’ because everyone tells them how lucky they are. That can make it even harder to ask for support.

Understanding this mix of feelings helps you see why your friend might not always be able to say, “This is exactly what I need right now.” That is where thoughtful, specific offers from friends can be such a lifeline.

Practical ways to support a friend with twins

When you say “Let me know if you need anything”, you probably mean it, but it can feel overwhelming for a tired parent to turn that into a clear request. Offering something specific is often much easier to accept.

A freshly cooked meal left on the doorstep can be a huge gift. You could organise a simple ‘meal train’ with a few mutual friends so that dinners arrive every couple of days. Think about meals that are easy to freeze, reheat and eat one-handed. Leave a little note if you like, but keep visits short unless they invite you in.

Household help can be just as valuable as baby cuddles. Offering to take away a bag of laundry, run the hoover round or stack the dishwasher might not sound glamorous, but it takes real pressure off. If you are visiting, you could make both of you a drink and quietly tidy the kitchen while you chat.

Some parents feel protective about people holding the babies, especially in the early days. It can help to say something like, “I’m very happy to do jobs rather than cuddles today, whatever would help you most”. That gives them space to choose.

Another simple way to support them is to keep checking in. A quick message that says “Thinking of you today, no need to reply” can mean a lot. You could suggest a short walk together with prams, or a video call at a time that suits them. Be prepared for plans to change and try not to take cancellations personally. Life with twins is unpredictable.

If your friend already has older children, an offer to take the older ones to the park, for tea or to an activity can be amazing. It gives the parents a quieter space to focus on the babies or simply to rest.

The best help could be simply turning up with food, putting the bins out and giving a hug at the door before heading off again.

The main thing is to notice what their everyday reality looks like and fit your support around that, rather than expecting them to fit around you.

Staying connected as their twins grow

Support is not only for the newborn phase. As the twins grow, your friend might face new challenges with sleep, childcare, returning to work or managing two toddlers who want to run in opposite directions. Keeping the conversation open over time shows that you are there for the whole journey, not just the first few weeks.

You do not need to have all the answers. Simply listening and reminding them they are doing a good job can be incredibly powerful. Ask what helps, respect their boundaries and keep showing up in small, steady ways.

By being a thoughtful, practical and understanding friend, you become part of the support network that makes life with twins a little less overwhelming and a lot more connected.