Top tips for finding time for yourself again after having twins

Finding time for yourself after twins

Becoming a parent of twins is a huge life change. There is double the washing, double the noise and double the cuddles, often all at the same time. If you have twins, triplets or more, it can feel as though every moment is spoken for and your own needs never quite make it to the list.

When people talk about ‘me time’, you might wonder what planet they live on. Long baths and lazy afternoons are lovely in theory, but they are not always realistic in the thick of life with two babies. The good news is that looking after yourself does not have to mean big, dramatic breaks. Small, ordinary moments still count and they can make a real difference to how steady you feel.

Most importantly, you never have to feel guilty for wanting or taking that time. You are not saying you love your children any less. You are simply giving yourself a chance to breathe so you can keep doing the enormous job you are already doing.

Why your wellbeing matters as a twin parent

When you are tired and overwhelmed, it is easy to put yourself at the bottom of the list. Many parents tell themselves they will rest once the to-do list is finished, but with twins that list rarely ends. Your wellbeing is not a luxury. It is part of the way you care for your children, just like feeding them or keeping them safe.

Feeling stretched, tearful or on edge does not mean you are doing a bad job. It usually means you are doing a huge job with limited time and energy. Parenting twins can also feel quite isolating. Friends with one baby might not fully understand why leaving the house is such a mission or why you feel you need three extra hands.

Your babies notice when you are calmer and more resourced, even if they cannot say it yet. A short rest or a small treat can give you a little more patience for the tricky moments and a bit more space to enjoy the lovely ones, like the first time they smile at each other.

It can also help to shift how you measure a ‘good’ day. Instead of counting the things that did not get done, try noticing what you did manage. Maybe everyone was fed, you got outside for ten minutes or you calmed a crying baby with a cuddle. Those are real achievements, even if the to-do list is still long.

Simple ways to build in small breaks

One of the most powerful things you can do is connect with other people who understand. A quick message to another parent, a short phone call with a friend or a chat in a twin-parent group can really lift your mood. Local multiples clubs (LINK) and online groups (LINK) bring together people who know the unique highs and lows of parenting twins. Our online communities for twin parents are a good place to share the reality without feeling judged.

It can also help to get comfortable asking for help. This might be your partner taking over one feed, a grandparent doing a nappy change or a friend coming over to hold a baby while you shower. Try to be specific about what you need, such as “Could you watch them for half an hour so I can lie down” rather than “I am fine”. Small bits of support, used well, can feel like a breath of fresh air.

Mindfulness does not have to mean sitting in silence for half an hour. It can be as simple as watching your babies explore, really noticing their faces as they look around, or feeling your feet on the floor while you rock them. Slowing your breathing for a few minutes while they nap on you can be a tiny mental reset. Planning one or two mini rituals into your week, like a quiet cup of tea after the evening feed or a short stretch before bed, can make these pauses easier to protect.

Here are some gentle ideas for using the time you do have:

• Sit with a hot drink and let the washing wait
• Listen to a favourite podcast while you walk with the buggy
• Ask someone you trust to do one feed so you can shower in peace

If both babies nap at the same time, try to resist the pressure to race through chores. Some days you might choose to sleep, read or simply scroll your phone without needing to respond to anyone. You can also use feeding times or walks to enjoy an audiobook, music or a podcast, which can help you feel more like yourself again. Being kind to yourself matters just as much as being kind to your children.

Getting extra support when you need it

Parenting twins is an emotional rollercoaster, so it is important not to bottle everything up. Talking about how you feel with someone you trust can make things feel more manageable. This might be a partner, friend, family member or another twin parent who understands the constant juggle.

Postnatal anxiety or depression are common in parents of multiples and they are not a sign that you are failing. If you notice that you are struggling most days, finding it hard to enjoy anything or feeling weighed down by worry, it is worth reaching out for more support. You can speak to your GP or health visitor and you can also contact our helpline (LINK) if you would like a friendly, understanding ear. Our postnatal depression pages (LINK) offer more information and ideas that are specific to life with twins.

Finding time for yourself after having twins will not always be easy and there will be days when it simply does not happen. That does not mean you have to do everything alone. Reaching out, asking for help and taking small moments for yourself are all signs of strength. With the right support around you, you can care for your babies and protect your own wellbeing too.