How to form a good relationship with your healthcare professional

Feeling supported when you’re expecting or raising multiples

When you’re pregnant with twins or triplets, or caring for them after birth, you’ll probably see more healthcare professionals than friends some weeks. Midwives, sonographers, obstetricians, neonatal staff, GPs and health visitors all play a part in your family’s story. A good relationship with them can make everything feel that bit more manageable.

You’re also dealing with extra scans, more monitoring and often more worry. You might already have children at home or other health conditions to juggle. Feeling listened to is not a ‘nice to have’ here, it’s essential.

Most healthcare professionals want to get things right for you and your babies. Still, there may be times when you feel rushed, brushed off or like your concerns are being minimised. This can be especially hard if you already feel vulnerable, exhausted or anxious. There are simple ways to build a stronger partnership so you’re heard, respected and involved in every decision.

Steps to build trust and feel genuinely heard

A strong relationship starts with sharing the bigger picture. Let your healthcare professional know you’re expecting or caring for multiples straight away and mention any previous pregnancy or health complications. This helps them see why your worries might be heightened and why small changes can feel huge.

Before each appointment, jot down what you most want to talk about. With twins, triplets or more there is often a lot going on, so choose your top two or three concerns. You might say, “I’m most worried about Baby B’s movements” or “I’d really like to talk about how I’ll cope after a caesarean with two babies at home.” This makes it harder for your main worry to get lost in a long conversation.

If you’re worried about being dismissed, it can help to use clear, firm language. Instead of “I’m probably overreacting”, you might say “I’m really concerned about this and I’d like us to look into it together.” If you feel your symptoms or instincts are being played down, you can say, “I hear what you’re saying, but something still does not feel right to me”. You’re not being difficult; you’re being a parent.

Ask questions until you understand the plan. Multiple pregnancies often follow different guidelines, so it’s fine to ask, “Is this standard care for twins?” or “How does this change because I’m carrying two/three babies?” Before you leave, repeat back what you’ve heard: “So I’m coming back in one week for another scan and I should call triage if I notice…”. This helps you spot anything that is still unclear.

If you find it hard to speak up, taking someone with you can really help. A partner, friend or family member can make notes, remind you of questions and gently step in if you lose your train of thought. Let them know beforehand what you most want from the appointment, so you feel like a team.

Practical ways to speak up and advocate for your family

Challenging a medical opinion can feel intimidating, especially if you’re tired, scared or used to ‘going along’ with what’s suggested. Advocacy does not mean being rude or confrontational. It’s about making sure your voice is part of the conversation about your care and your babies’ care.

Some phrases and approaches that can help are:

• Ask open questions like “can you talk me through the options for delivery with twins”
• Use “I” statements such as “I’m still feeling worried” or “I don’t feel ready to decide today”
• Write down key dates, symptoms and questions in a notebook or on your phone and bring it along
• Ask what to look out for at home and when you should call or go in
• If you do not understand, say “I’m not sure I follow, could you explain that another way”

There may be times when you still feel unheard. If that happens, you can ask to see another midwife, doctor or specialist, or request that a multiples specialist midwife is involved if your hospital has one. On the postnatal ward or in neonatal care, ask who is in charge of your babies’ care that day so you know who to speak to. If concerns continue, you can contact the hospital’s patient advice and liaison service (PALS) or talk things through with our helpline, who can help you think about next steps and support you to advocate calmly and clearly.

Finding ongoing support with twins, triplets or more

Forming a good relationship with your healthcare professional is not about being the ‘perfect patient’. It’s about recognising that you know your body and your babies, even on days when you feel anything but confident. When you share that knowledge and they share theirs, you get the safest and most supportive care.

Most importantly, remember you’re not alone in this. Many parents of multiples have had to push a bit harder to be taken seriously or to get the right plan in place. Reaching out to other families through online communities (LINK) or using our helpline (LINK) can remind you that your instincts are valid and your voice matters. You and your babies deserve care that feels like a partnership, not a battle and you’re allowed to ask for that every step of the way.