How to support your twins during puberty and with emotional changes

Supporting your twins through puberty

Reaching puberty is a big milestone for any child and it can feel even more intense when you have twins, triplets or more. You’re supporting more than one child through physical and emotional changes, often at different times and speeds.

In mixed-sex pairs, girls often reach puberty up to two years earlier than boys. This can shift the balance in the relationship. The girl may grow taller first, do well academically and seem more confident socially. The boy may feel left behind or even treated as a younger brother by friends and family.

You can help by recognising these changes and naming them gently. Explain that bodies mature at different times and that this doesn’t make one child more grown-up than the other. Encourage each child’s strengths and interests so they feel valued in their own right.

If a boy twin seems overshadowed, extra time with a trusted male role model can help. This might be a parent, relative, teacher or coach who can build his confidence and listen without judgement.

Physical and emotional changes in teenagers

Every child has their own timetable. Puberty can begin as early as eight and as late as 18. Even twins of the same sex can start puberty a year or more apart, which can be confusing for them and for you.

One child may have a sudden growth spurt, while their sibling still looks more like a younger child. For some families, it can feel as if you suddenly have an older sibling and a younger sibling living in the same bedroom.

Alongside physical changes, there are strong emotions. Hormones can make feelings more intense. Small disagreements may quickly turn into tears or arguments. Siblings who were very close might suddenly want more space or one might pull away from shared activities.

Privacy can become a sensitive issue. One child might want to get changed alone, shut the bathroom door or keep their messages private, while the other doesn’t see the need. It helps to treat both children’s wishes as important, even if they’re different.

As your children become more aware of friendships and peer groups, they may want to play down the fact that they’re part of a set. They might ask you not to mention that they’re twins when you meet new people, or want separate social media accounts and friendship circles.

Practical ways to support each child as they grow

Your support can make a huge difference as your children move through these changes. Small, consistent steps often help most:

• Listen to each child on their own and take their feelings seriously
• Reassure them that different puberty timings, including periods, are completely normal
• Encourage interests and activities that belong to each child, not just to the pair or set
• Agree simple privacy rules together, such as knocking before entering bedrooms

You might find that one child is ready for new freedoms earlier than the other. For example, one might feel confident travelling to school with friends, while their sibling prefers to stay with you. It’s OK to adapt rules to each child’s stage of maturity, but explain clearly why you’re doing this.

For girls, you can reassure them that starting periods earlier or later than their sister or brother’s classmates is nothing to worry about. Some multiples begin their periods three years apart from their twin or triplet. Talk through practical things such as period products, pain relief and what to do if a period starts at school.

If you notice one child being teased about their body, height or development, step in calmly. Work with school if needed and remind your child that these changes are a normal part of growing up.

Staying connected as your teenagers become young adults

The teenage years can feel uncertain. Your children are changing fast and so is their relationship with each other. They may be thinking more about future study, work or apprenticeships and it’s possible they’ll move in different directions after secondary school.

You can support them by talking openly about their hopes and plans. Encourage them to imagine what independence might look like, while reminding them that their bond as twins or triplets can stay strong even if they live apart.

Try to keep family routines that help everyone feel grounded, such as shared meals or regular check-ins. Show that you’re there to listen, not just to fix problems. Although this stage can be challenging, it’s also a chance to see your children grow into confident young adults with their own identities and shared history.