Full house to empty nest - when your twins leave home

When twins leave home and start living independently

When twins, triplets or more leave home after school or university, it can feel like a huge step for everyone. You may suddenly find the house quieter, routines different and your role as a parent shifting.

For many twins, this stage includes choosing different universities, courses or jobs and deciding not to live together. It can look like they are moving away from each other, but often it is about moving towards independence.

Growing up, twins are frequently introduced as a pair and remembered as ‘the twins’. Leaving home is a chance for each of them to be known for who they are as individuals, not only as part of a set.

Independence and identity for adult twins

One of the biggest changes when twins move into adult life is how they see themselves. Studying in different places, or taking different subjects, gives each twin the space to discover their own strengths and interests. They make friends who know them as an individual first, rather than automatically linking them with their sibling.

The first months away from home can feel strange. Without a sibling in the next room, some twins feel a bit lost, while others enjoy the new freedom straight away. Most experience a mix of nerves and excitement as they learn to manage money, cooking, travelling and making decisions on their own.

Comparison can be another quiet pressure. When twins study similar subjects or go for similar jobs, it is easy to notice whose marks, salaries or promotions come first. Developing separate paths and social circles can reduce that everyday comparison and help both accept that it is fine to achieve different things at different times.

Over time, many adult twins find that independence actually strengthens their relationship. When they choose to spend time together rather than automatically doing everything side-by-side, they are actively investing in that bond.

Different ways adult twins might shape their lives

There is no single right way for adult twins to organise their studies, careers or living arrangements. Some may choose universities in different towns because the courses, campus style or lifestyle suit them better. One might be drawn to a more technical subject while the other chooses a broader or more creative route.

After graduation, job prospects often become a bigger factor. Twins might move to the same city but live in different areas, with partners, friends or colleagues. They may meet regularly in the middle, plan weekly dinners or simply keep in touch through calls and messages.

What matters most is that their choices reflect who they are and what they want, rather than feeling they must always be in the same place. When twins feel free to make their own decisions, they are more likely to be confident, settled and happy in adult life.

Helping your twins, triplets or more through this next stage

As your children move into adulthood, your role becomes more about steady support than daily management. You can:

• Encourage each child to make choices that fit their interests and personality, even if that means living apart
• Let them know you will miss them while reassuring them that you are proud of their independence
• Celebrate their individual achievements and also the effort they put into staying connected with each other

At first, it may feel as if they have simply gone away to study and will be back soon. Gradually, it sinks in that they have really left home and are building their own lives. Feeling proud, sad and relieved all at once is normal.

The positive side is seeing them grow into separate, confident adults who still choose to keep a close relationship. Independence and individuality do not weaken the bond between twins; with the right support, they can make it stronger.