What kind of behaviours are normal for preschool aged twins and triplets?

Understanding preschool behaviour in twins and triplets

As toddlers move into the preschool years, they often gain confidence and start to test boundaries. This can feel exciting and overwhelming, especially when you’ve got twins, triplets or more.

If your children were born prematurely or have additional needs, it can be even harder to know what’s 'normal'. Development may not match that of their friends, and it’s easy to notice the difficult behaviour more than the positive moments.

Most preschool children are learning how to manage new feelings, friendships and routines. They’re not being difficult on purpose. They’re practising skills such as turn-taking, coping with frustration, sharing attention and following rules. Your calm, steady guidance makes a real difference.

What to expect from your preschoolers' behaviour in twins and triplets

Many preschoolers test rules and say 'no' more often. They might refuse to put on shoes, argue over toys or insist on doing things their own way. With more than one child at the same stage, the noise and conflict can quickly build.

Focusing on positive behaviour is usually more effective than punishing what you don’t want. When your children play kindly, listen well or help tidy up, notice and praise it. Your attention is a powerful reward. Joining in their game, smiling and commenting on what they’re doing can be more motivating than treats or stickers.

Unwanted behaviour is often linked to boredom or tiredness. Ending an activity before your children get fed up, and gently moving them to something new, can prevent many meltdowns. Simple phrases like “Let me see your walking feet” instead of “Stop running” show them what you want, rather than what you don’t.

Twins and triplets are often expected to share earlier and more often than other children. Many toddlers find true sharing hard and it can take time to develop. It’s normal for arguments and tears to happen, even though your children have 'always shared'. Using turn-taking, modelling sharing and kindness yourself and having separate toy boxes or a few duplicate favourites are good ways to try to reduce daily battles.

Tantrums are also very common in the preschool years. Some children even as old as seven can often only see the world only from their own point of view. When things don’t go their way, they can become very upset because they don’t yet understand how their behaviour affects other people. Your role is to keep them safe, stay calm and gently help them make sense of those big feelings.

Practical ways to respond to challenging behaviour in twins and triplets

These ideas can help you support and encourage positive behaviour:

• Praise each child by name for specific actions, such as listening well or using kind hands
• Look for at least one thing every day to feel proud of in each child and share this with them individually and encourage each sibling to be proud of the others
• Offer simple choices, such as between two snacks or two jumpers, so they feel some control
• Keep choices realistic and clear, using pictures or objects if your children find language harder
• Use turn-taking instead of asking them to share everything and try visual timers so everyone can see when it’s time to swap
• Model sharing and kindness through your own behaviour and encourage older siblings to do the same
• During tantrums stay calm, make sure your child is safe and use gentle distraction to ease the overload
• When everyone’s calm, talk about what happened and help your child name their feelings

Not everything can be a choice. Going to nursery or preschool, using a car seat or leaving the park on time aren’t optional. You can still offer small choices within those limits, such as which coat to wear or which toy to bring in the car. This helps your children feel heard while you stay in charge.

Finding ongoing support and reassurance for twins and triplets

Raising preschool twins, triplets or more is demanding, and challenging behaviour doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. It often shows your children feel secure enough with you to express their big feelings.

Try to notice your own needs as well as theirs. Parenting usually feels easier when you have small moments to rest, talk to another adult or get some fresh air. Connecting with other parents of multiples can also be reassuring (LINK to online communities), as many families are dealing with similar challenges.

You can learn more about encouraging positive behaviour, and what’s typical at different stages, in our behaviour course (LINK).