Talking to children about their family

Talking about your LGBTQIA+ family with children under six

If you’ve got young children, you’ll know they’re brilliant at noticing everything. They spot patterns, ask big questions at tiny moments and then dash off to play like nothing happened. That’s completely normal.

When you’re raising children in an LGBTQIA+ family, it can help to think of ‘talking about family’ as something you do little and often. It’s not usually one serious sit-down chat. It’s the words you use in the car, the way you talk about your family when you’re reading a bedtime story, or how you introduce a parent at nursery pick-up.

And here’s the good news: children under six don’t need a detailed explanation of adult relationships or identity labels. They’re focused on what feels safe and familiar. Your job is mostly to keep things calm, clear and loving, so they can build up their understanding over time.

What young children really want to know about family

In the early years, children tend to think in concrete, relational ways. They’re not usually wondering about categories. They’re wondering about people.

They’re often asking, in their own way:

‘Who looks after me? Who loves me? Who belongs with me?’

So the most helpful language is simple and steady. You might repeat the same phrases for months. That repetition isn’t you ‘going over it again’; it’s how young children learn.

If you’re a parent or carer, it can help to keep a few everyday sentences ready, so you’re not scrambling in the moment. Things like:

• ‘In our family, you’ve got two mums’
• ‘This is our family’
• ‘Our family is made with love’

If your child asks ‘Why?’, you don’t need to over-explain. A short answer is often plenty, such as: “Because families can be different,” or “Because that’s what works for them”. Then you can follow their lead. If they run off to play, that’s your sign the conversation is done for now.

If you’re an Early Years Practitioner, it’s the same principle. Children take their emotional cues from you. A calm, confident response helps a child feel safe, especially if someone else has said something confusing or unkind.

Ways to weave family stories into play, books and nursery life

For many LGBTQIA+ families, children grow up feeling their family is simply normal, because it’s all they’ve ever known. They learn how to describe it through routines, stories, pretend play and the language they hear every day.

Play is your secret superpower here. Young children practise life through play, so it can really help when their setting includes dolls, figures and story prompts that reflect different family set-ups. Drawing ‘who’s in my family’ pictures can work well too, especially if you keep it open and pressure-free.

Stories can do a lot of heavy lifting without making it a ‘lesson’. You might recognise a few favourites that families and nurseries often use, like ‘The Family Book’ by Todd Parr, ‘Mommy, Mama, and Me’ and ‘Daddy, Papa, and Me’ by Lesléa Newman, ‘My Two Mums and Me’ by Genie Espinosa, ‘And Tango Makes Three’ by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell, or ‘When Aidan Became a Brother’ by Kyle Lukoff. If you share books with your setting, it can be helpful to mention any words you use at home for parents and carers, so children hear the same language in both places.

Nursery and school can also be a really practical ‘bridge’ into your children’s world. You can’t be everywhere at once, and you don’t need to be. A trusted key worker who understands your family can help you stay connected to what your child cares about day-to-day: who they play with, what’s upset them, what’s made them proud.

If you’d like your setting to reflect your family a bit more, small things can be enough. A simple Pride Month activity, a rainbow colour day, an inclusive display or a storybook that shows families like yours can quietly send a powerful message: your family belongs here.

When you’re raising twins, triplets or more, you’ll know the world often treats them as a set. That can feel cosy sometimes, but it can also blur who each child is. When family questions pop up, one child might ask a lot, another might listen silently, and another might act it out with toys later.

You can keep it simple and still make space for individuality: “You were born together, and you’re each your own person”, or ‘you share a family, and you’re each you.’ Then let each child take their time.

Helping your children feel proud, safe and understood

Most of the time, what children need is reassurance that their family is okay and loved. If they’re telling someone at nursery about having two mums or two dads, they don’t need a speech. They just need permission to name it plainly.

If you’re supporting children in a setting, it helps to address unkind comments clearly and kindly. You might say, “That wasn’t kind. Families come in different ways,” and then move on. You’re modelling the boundary and showing the child they’re safe.

And if you’re ever left thinking, ‘Did I say the right thing?’, you’re not alone. The aim isn’t a perfect script. It’s a warm, steady message your child can return to again and again: this is our family, and it’s full of love. You can join our Online Communities (LINK) and take a look at this page for support networks (link to INF-087) for your family.