Top strategies for when twin parenting feels overwhelming

When everything feels too much with twins

There are days with twins, triplets or more when just getting everyone dressed feels like climbing a mountain in slippers. You love your children, of course you do, but the noise, the washing, the constant questions and the never-ending to-do list can feel like far too much.

If you’re finding things overwhelming right now, you’re not alone. Many parents of multiples talk about feeling ‘on duty’ all the time, with very little chance to reset. You might notice you’re more snappy than usual, tearful for no clear reason or struggling to enjoy things you used to like. It can be scary to admit that this is hard, especially when people say things like ‘double the trouble, double the fun’.

This isn’t about you not coping. It’s about a big job needing more tools, more rest and more support. There are practical things you can try that won’t fix everything overnight, but can make daily life feel less intense and more manageable.

What’s behind that overwhelmed feeling?

Understanding why you feel overwhelmed can make it easier to be kind to yourself and to ask for the right sort of help. Parenting multiples brings a few extra layers.

You’re often doing several tasks at once. Feeding, settling and comforting two or three small people at the same time takes emotional and physical energy. Even simple outings can feel like organising a small festival, with bags, snacks and spare clothes for everyone.

Sleep is another big factor. Broken nights are tough for any parent, but with twins, triplets or more, it can go on for a long time and feel relentless. When you’re tired, everything feels bigger. Small setbacks, like a spilt drink or a nap that does not happen, can tip you over the edge.

There’s also the mental load. You’re likely to be planning appointments, keeping track of milestones, remembering who prefers which cup and worrying whether you’re giving each child enough one-to-one time. Add in work, relationships, money and housework and it’s no surprise your brain feels crowded.

Most importantly, there can be pressure to look like you’re ‘smashing it’. Social media, comments from other people and even your own expectations can make it harder to say, ‘actually, this is really tough today’. Naming that pressure is a powerful first step in reducing it.

Practical ways to dial down the overwhelm

You can’t magically remove the busyness of life with twins, triplets or more, but you can gently turn down the volume on some of the stress. These ideas are not a checklist to complete; they’re options you can pick and mix from, depending on your day.

Start with one or two small routines. Short, predictable routines can help everyone feel calmer. That might be the same simple song before naps, a set order for bedtime or always tidying toys for five minutes before tea. The routine is not about perfection, it’s about giving your brain fewer decisions to make.

Shrink your to-do list. On very full days, choose just three things that really matter and let the rest wait if you can. Getting everyone fed, reasonably clean and safe absolutely counts as a successful day. You don’t need to declutter the spare room at the same time.

Plan tiny pockets of rest. With multiples, long breaks can be rare, so think small. A hot drink on the doorstep while the children are in their highchairs, three deep breaths before you go into the bedroom at night or a short message to a friend who understands can all make a difference.

Share the load where possible. This might mean asking a partner to take over bathtime twice a week, saying yes when a friend offers to take the recycling out or arranging a regular swap with another parent so you each get a short break. You’re not meant to do this all by yourself.

Stay connected with people who ‘get it’. Join our Online community (LINK), find your local twins club (LINK) or contact our helpline (LINK) run by parents of multiples, this can be a lifeline when you feel you’re the only one having a hard day. Hearing others say, ‘me too’ can ease some of the guilt and isolation.

And remember, it’s fine if some days still feel chaotic even when you’re doing all the ‘right’ things. This phase is intense. You’re learning on the job, often while sleep-deprived, and your best will look different from week to week.

Looking after yourself so you can keep going

When you’re overwhelmed, looking after yourself can feel like yet another thing on the list. But you deserve care just as much as your children do, and small steps can have a big impact over time.

Start with the basics. Eating regular meals, staying hydrated and getting outside, even for a short walk with the buggy, can help your body cope with the demands of the day. It doesn’t have to look like a perfect wellness routine. Toast over the sink still counts as food.

Be kind in the way you talk to yourself. If you notice a running commentary of ‘I’m failing’ or ‘everyone else manages this’, try asking what you would say to a friend in your situation. You’d probably remind them that two or three babies at once is a big deal, and that doing an ‘okay’ job is more than enough.

It can also help to notice early signs that your stress is building. Maybe your shoulders creep up, you feel tearful or you start to dread bedtime. Spotting these cues gives you a chance to pause, take a breath and reach out before things feel unmanageable.

Sometimes, overwhelm can slide into anxiety or low mood that does not ease. If you’re finding it hard to get through the day, you’re having worrying thoughts or you feel flat most of the time, it’s important to talk to someone. That might be your GP, health visitor or a trusted professional. Asking for support is a positive step for you and for your children. (LINK to perinatal mental health page INF-073)

You’re doing something extraordinary in raising twins, triplets or more. Overwhelm is a natural response to a demanding season, not a sign that you’re not cut out for this. With a bit of support, some kinder expectations and a few practical tweaks, it can feel lighter.