Asking for help after having twins: practical tips to help your family

When your twins, triplets or more are born, life changes overnight — and the right support can make day-to-day life feel that bit more manageable.

Support can come from all directions: friends and family, your workplace, your local community, and the networks you build around you. For Louise, Head of Family Services at Twins Trust, learning to accept help — and to ask clearly for what she needed — made a huge difference in the early weeks.

Louise has worked for the charity since 2014, when her twins Scarlett and Connie were 10 months old. She also has an older daughter, Daisy. Looking back, she says being vocal about what you need can take the pressure off — not just emotionally, but practically.

Be specific about what helps

“When people ask you what you need, it’s really important to be clear about what you want,” Louise said. “In the early days I needed practical things like nappies and wipes. Another friend brought us ready meals — and some for Daisy too.”

She recommends steering gift-givers towards things you’ll genuinely use. “Vouchers for supermarkets and for nappies are better than clothes as gifts. You have to do what works for you.”

Plan how you’ll get through the nights

When Scarlett and Connie were born, Louise was in hospital and her husband Steven was still working during the day. They tag-teamed night-time care so Louise could rest, while Louise’s mum supported during the day and handled nursery runs for Daisy.

That support helped the family pace themselves — and meant Steven could save his two weeks of leave for when Louise and the twins were back home.

Let people help — even if it’s just one job

“The offer of family support meant a lot to us as we got through the first few weeks,” Louise said. “It was good for me to have that support, but it wasn’t the easiest for Steven because he was tired and working.

“When we were home, for the first two weeks I think my mum made dinner nearly every day. She came round every day for the third week. She had retired so was able to help, and then my best mate had a week off to help me too. Every day I tried to do a bit more myself. I was lucky I had family and friends offering support.”

Louise also found that small offers of help in everyday places really mattered. When she did nursery drop-off with Daisy, staff often stepped in.

“One member of staff would come out to the car, collect one of the twins, and I would carry another,” she said. “Then I could hold Daisy’s hand as she walked in. I felt it was important I still took Daisy into nursery.”

During maternity leave, Louise’s cousin helped one day a week too. “That company and support meant a lot,” she said.

Find a community that works for you

Louise started going to a mother-and-toddler group and a singing group when the twins were just two weeks old. The setting was accessible and welcoming, and the group became part of her support network — making it possible to attend with all three children.

“It worked for me,” she said. “It was cheap and cheerful. I would get tea and cake — and I took them there until they started school.”

Prioritise rest, however you can

When the twins were around five months old, a friend offered Louise and Steven something they desperately needed: sleep.

“She asked what she could do to help,” Louise said. “I said I just wanted a night’s sleep. We swapped houses — she came to my house with her children and looked after my children for the night. Steven and I went to her house and had a good night’s sleep. It was amazing — a massive thing for us.”

Louise’s advice is simple: accept the help that’s offered, and don’t feel guilty about what you need most. Whether it’s meals, nursery runs, or a few hours of rest, support can be the difference between just getting through the day and feeling like you’re finding your feet again.