From tragedy to strength: Paul's journey raising triplets alone

When Paul looks at his triplets, Lukas, Mattias and Sarah, he sees both joy and the hardest moment of his life.

In March 2012, he and his wife Isabel welcomed their baby daughter and two sons into the world. Eight days later, Isabel died. Paul was 44, suddenly a widower and a single parent to three newborns, trying to hold his grief while learning how to care for his babies.

In those first days, support mattered in a way Paul will never forget. Twins Trust helped connect him with Norland Nannies, and the wider multiples community raised £10,000 to help the family through the early months.

Paul said: “I had a huge amount of support from various sources. Twins Trust were amazing – their liaison with Norland Nannies was fantastic. It was early days and £10,000 was raised, which went towards some of my costs. I had a triplet buggy, a three-in-a-line one, which was fantastic. Isabel and I had already decided on that style as we wanted all the kids to be able to see our faces.

“The support of Twins Trust was hugely influential. It showed me that this wasn’t going to be impossible and it was going to be plausible as a single parent. Because a Norland Nanny could do it and showed me how to do it, I felt I could do it. They work alone with babies including multiples so they saw and understood the challenges of feeding three babies at the same time."

In the early days, routine and teamwork get you through

Even with help, caring for three babies was intense. Paul remembers how feeding cycles could take hours, followed by winding and short sleeps that didn’t always line up. It wasn’t a case of “getting organised” and suddenly managing, but of getting through one cycle at a time, with practical systems and extra pairs of hands when possible.

Norland Nannies supported during the day, and night nannies helped overnight. Paul’s parents also stayed to help with their grandchildren, and volunteers from Home-Start supported the family too. Paul took a year of paid paternity leave so he could focus on learning how to care for three newborns and build confidence in the daily basics.

What carried him through was not perfection, but consistency, and the knowledge that support was allowed. It gave him space to keep going, and to parent in the way he and Isabel had imagined.

Protecting your mental health while you care for your children

As the triplets grew, Paul continued working at Ordnance Survey until they were four-years-old. But over time, he realised the pressure of being both the “best employee” and the only parent at home was stretching him too far. He made a deliberate change, choosing redundancy and applying for a Learning Support Assistant role at a local school, even though he was hugely overqualified.

He added “I felt overstretched having to be the best employee I could and trying to be the best dad I could. I just couldn’t do both. I think if I had stayed there my mental health would have suffered and that would have had really serious knock-on consequences for my children.

Building a life that still holds joy, love and legacy

Now teenagers, Lukas, Mattias and Sarah are part of a close-knit family life Paul has carefully shaped. He says there are still days that feel overwhelming, but it is “plausible”, and increasingly it feels like they are a team. The triplets help in small ways, from making lunches to taking on little jobs at home, and Paul notices the quiet, caring dynamic that has grown between them.

Their spare time is filled with camping and kayak trips, time with friends, movie and board game nights, and summer evenings in the garden. Paul wants his children to feel their lives are full and adventurous, not smaller because their mother died. He carries Isabel’s influence with him, and the values they shared about family and togetherness remain at the heart of how he parents.

“You configure your life in a certain way to make it work. Now as a single parent of three, there are days when it feels overwhelming. It’s not easy but it is plausible.

“If I’m struggling, I read a poem by Diane Loomans called ‘If I had my child to raise over again’ and immediately feel re-inspired.

“I just thought before the triplets were born we would have this idyllic family life together. Isabel was marvellous. She was instrumental in my approach to bringing the triplets up. People say I’m doing a great job but I’m just copying what she talked about.

“She was such a source of inspiration and support to our little family. Family was so important to her and me of course. She would have loved it. I think this every day. They all do little things to help me, just as I enjoy helping them. There is an unspoken dynamic between us all that is just lovely.

“We’re an amazing quad act.”