Grandparents can be a real lifeline when life with twins or triplets feels full-on. For Kate, stepping in to help her son Sam and his family has become a practical, steady way to show love, without taking over.
Kate is a grandparent to Sam’s twin sons. She’s raised two sons herself and, through her work as a nursery nurse and social worker, she’s spent years supporting children and families. Multiples are also part of her own family story, as her mother is a twin. She knows that when there are two babies to care for, an extra pair of hands can make a real difference.
For many families, support from grandparents or wider family can help ease the pressure in the early months and beyond.
Learning together
Kate covers childcare one day a week every other week. She shares a rota with her daughter-in-law’s stepmum, so that the support is shared and predictable. Kate also completed the Twins Trust Supporting New Parents course (LINK) with her daughter-in-law’s stepmum, so they could better understand the reality of parenting multiples and feel more confident caring for the boys.
She said: “The boys were born in August 2023, at 33 weeks.
“I became self-employed just before they were born. My priority was, and continues to be, supporting the boys and supporting my son, without being intrusive. It’s finding that balance of not being intrusive and knowing when to back off. I don’t know everything and things have changed since I had children. There were things I needed to learn and there’s still things I don’t know, and I don’t purport to know.”
That willingness to learn has mattered. Parenting has changed in lots of ways over the years, and every family has their own routines, preferences and ways of doing things. Kate’s approach has been to stay open, remember that Sam and his partner are the parents, and focus on what the boys need.
Finding a routine that works
Kate’s daughter-in-law returned to work when the boys were four-months-old, and that was when Kate’s regular childcare began.
Kate added: “I started looking after them for one day a week.
“I go to their house as it makes sense as all the equipment is there.”
It’s a simple decision, but it makes day-to-day life easier. When you’re caring for two babies, having everything you need close by can take away some of the stress, from feeding and changing to naps and playtime.
Kate said everyone had to adjust to different parenting styles at first. Like many families, they had to work out what felt comfortable for everyone, while keeping the focus where it belongs.
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“It works for us all. I know how tough things are for parents now. There’s a lot of pressure on them to work, earn money and buy a house. I do it because I want to support them and the boys are very important little people.
“Them being multiples hasn’t been the issue I thought it would be, yes it’s a bit of extra work. But they’re just two joyous little boys with their own personalities. There are long days caring for them but I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to.”
Looking after twins can be tiring, and it can stretch your energy and patience, especially over a long day. At the same time, being part of their everyday life brings its own rewards, particularly as their personalities become clearer and their relationship with each other grows.
Out and about with two
Kate likes taking the boys out and they enjoy a variety of different activities. She feels it’s easier and safer to have another adult alongside her for trips out, and her partner often comes too, so he can create memories with the boys as well.
“Generally when I go out, I make sure my partner is there. If I take them to soft play, I can take them on my own. Walking to the park or being out on the street is harder.”
As the boys get bigger, Kate is also noticing the normal challenges that come with two children growing side by side, each working out who they are.
“They do fight, and that can be a challenge. They’re finding their own identity.”
Even in those tricky moments, Kate’s pride shines through.
“I do feel proud looking after them.”
Talk to someone who truly gets it
Twins Trust’s free helpline is run by trained volunteers who have multiples themselves. Call for a friendly, confidential chat or message via WhatsApp or email anytime and they’ll reply during opening hours (Mon–Fri, 10am–1pm & 7pm–10pm, excluding bank holidays).
