Supporting twins through secondary school transition: practical family tips

For Louise, the moment her twins, Scarlett and Connie, prepared to start secondary school was filled with a mix of emotions—pride, excitement, nerves, and a bit of sadness at how quickly the years had flown by. As Head of Family Services at Twins Trust, Louise was well aware of how big this milestone was, not just for her daughters but for herself as a parent of multiples.

Starting secondary school is a huge change for any child, but for twins, it brings unique challenges and experiences. Louise’s experience underscores the complexity of preparing two children for the same transition, each with their own individual needs and feelings.

It was important for Louise to consider Scarlett and Connie’s feelings, ensuring that they felt safe and ready for the change. The key lesson here is that preparation for major transitions, such as starting secondary school, involves more than just practical steps—it’s about creating an environment where children feel supported, heard, and understood as they face this big change.

Fostering independence

One of the first steps in preparing Scarlett and Connie for secondary school was encouraging their independence during their primary school years. In Year 5, after much consideration, the decision was made to separate the twins in school. While it was initially a difficult choice, it ultimately allowed the girls to develop their own identities and grow independently. Louise said: “Those two years have been so valuable. It has given them time to build their independence ahead of this next big step.” By giving each twin the space to grow, they were able to approach secondary school with a sense of individuality, even though they were attending the same school.

This experience highlights the importance of fostering independence in children, especially twins, before major transitions. While the twins still shared some experiences, having separate classes gave them the space to develop unique identities and feel more prepared for the challenges ahead. This lesson can apply to any parent, especially those of multiples, as it’s crucial to give each child the opportunity to grow at their own pace.

Understanding their feelings and providing reassurance

As the start of secondary school approached, Louise made sure to check in with Scarlett and Connie about their feelings. She found that, while their initial responses were confident, their true worries often came out during everyday moments, like when they were preparing dinner or getting ready for bed. Scarlett, for example, expressed that she was both nervous and excited. “I think the teachers will be stricter. It feels weird that I might not see Connie as much as I do now,” she said. Connie, on the other hand, shared that her main worry was getting lost in the much bigger school.

This emphasises a crucial point in parenting: children’s emotions, especially around transitions, may not always be immediately clear. As Louise notes, the best way to understand her daughters' true feelings was to give them time to express themselves in an environment where they felt comfortable. By being patient and letting Scarlett and Connie voice their concerns, Louise was able to support them more effectively. The lesson here is that open communication and listening closely to children, especially during times of transition, can help alleviate their anxieties and make them feel understood.

Taking practical steps together

As the first day of secondary school approached, Louise and her family took practical steps to ensure the twins were prepared. They practised the bus route and gave them mobile phones and bank cards, which marked a significant leap in responsibility. They also had conversations about phone and internet safety, understanding that these were essential topics as the twins became more independent.

While there was still uncertainty and nervousness, especially with the girls facing new challenges and experiences, the practical steps helped make the transition smoother. “I’ve learned the importance of carving out one-to-one time, even just a few minutes here and there, to really listen,” Louise added. By creating moments of connection, even in the midst of busier times, Louise was able to stay in tune with her daughters' emotional needs.

This part of Louise’s journey shows that preparing children for a big change involves both emotional and practical preparation. While it’s crucial to listen to your children’s concerns, it’s equally important to take actionable steps that help them feel more confident and capable. The combination of reassurance, planning, and support ensures a smoother transition and gives children the tools they need to handle new challenges.

For parents of multiples, transitions can feel particularly daunting, but with the right balance of emotional and practical support, these milestones can become opportunities for growth, confidence, and deeper connections within the family.