Raising twins with support: how grandparents made life easier

When Rachel became a mum to twins Lila and Charlie in 2019, her parents, living just 10 minutes away, quickly became a crucial part of her support system. The early days with twins are often overwhelming, and having a strong support network can make all the difference. Rachel found that her parents' practical help—driving her to appointments, lifting the twins in their car seats, and cooking meals—was a lifeline during the demanding first few months. Living close by meant they were always there when she needed them, offering assistance with both the physical tasks and emotional support.

Rachel’s experience highlights how having people you trust nearby can provide significant relief when navigating the early challenges of parenting multiples. It's not just about the number of people who offer help, but the quality and relevance of that support. Whether it’s a simple task like picking up shopping or offering a much-needed moment of rest, the right help at the right time can help ease the strain of daily life.

The importance of practical help

For Rachel, the most important form of support in those early weeks was the practical help her parents provided. Recovering from a C-section while adjusting to the needs of newborn twins can make even the smallest task feel daunting. Rachel recalls how her mum would visit in the mornings to allow her to shower or take a nap after a difficult night with the babies. Her dad helped with chores like shopping, which allowed Rachel to focus on her recovery and her new family.

The support was more than just physical—it was emotional, too. But in those first weeks, the most critical support was the practical help that gave Rachel a chance to catch her breath. Twins Trust emphasises how essential it is to know what kind of help is needed and to feel comfortable asking for it. Rachel learned early on that there’s no harm in reaching out for assistance, and accepting help can relieve a lot of stress.

Building lasting bonds through support

Beyond the practical benefits, the time spent with Rachel’s parents has strengthened the bond between them and the twins. As Lila and Charlie grew, their relationship with their grandparents deepened. Rachel’s parents remained involved in the twins’ lives, helping with school runs and offering support as her family expanded. This ongoing relationship created a solid foundation of trust and closeness between the twins and their grandparents.

Rachel also found that connecting with others, such as through an antenatal class, helped broaden her support network. Even though she was the only one expecting twins, the group offered her emotional reassurance. As her twins grew, Rachel’s friends, some of whom had older children, understood her specific needs, like finding spaces that could accommodate a double buggy. Through these connections, Rachel learned that support networks can extend beyond family and that connecting with others in similar situations is valuable.

Learning to set boundaries and accept help

Looking back, Rachel acknowledges that she would have accepted help sooner. Initially, she felt compelled to manage everything on her own, carrying both car seats and multiple bags, but she eventually realized that accepting help made her life easier and made others happy too. Rachel’s experience reflects a common challenge for many parents—wanting to do it all themselves but learning that accepting support doesn’t make you less capable.

Rachel also learned the importance of setting boundaries. When Lila and Charlie were born, she felt overwhelmed by visitors eager to meet the twins. While it was heartwarming to feel loved and supported, the constant flow of visitors wasn’t always helpful. “It’s about pushing back on help that isn’t helpful for your family,” Rachel said. Organising visits when it was convenient for her allowed Rachel to maintain control of her own space and energy, something she now sees as essential for both her well-being and her family’s.

In the end, Rachel’s story teaches valuable lessons about the power of a solid support network, accepting help, and learning to set boundaries. It’s not just about having help, but about having the right help, at the right time, and knowing when to ask for it.