Support provides lifeline for parents tackling twins' behaviour issues

When Helene and Gordon's five-year-old twin boys, Jack and George, started school in September 2020, they were excited for their children’s first year. But soon after, the country was hit with another lockdown due to the coronavirus pandemic. Like many families, Helene and Gordon found themselves trying to balance full-time work, homeschooling their children, and managing the emotional strain of the situation. The uncertainty of the world around them added to the pressure, making it even harder to navigate the challenges of parenting.

For Helene and Gordon, the strain was particularly tough with their twin boys, who had begun to show more disruptive behaviour than usual. “The boys started school in September 2020, then we had lockdown after Christmas. It was really stressful,” Helene recalled. As the boys returned to school after the lockdown, their behaviour remained disruptive. Despite their best efforts to stop it, the pattern continued, leaving the parents feeling stuck and unsure how to address the problem. This situation highlights an important lesson: when you are overwhelmed and everything feels like too much, reaching out for support can help you move forward.

Reaching out for support

Feeling like they were running out of options, Helene and Gordon decided to get some advice. Helene had been a member of Twins Trust since she was pregnant with the twins, so she turned to the charity for help. She had initially joined for the resources and community, but now, she found herself needing something more.

Helene found support through Twins Trust’s behaviour webinar and a follow-up phone call with Renata, a volunteer specialising in family therapy. For Helene, the ability to talk things through with someone who understood the challenges of raising twins made a huge difference. "It was really nice to speak to someone who has twins. I didn’t have to explain anything,” she said. The reassurance she received from Renata was a game-changer, helping Helene feel more confident in her approach to the boys' behaviour.

This moment underscores a key lesson: having access to expert advice and someone who understands the unique challenges of raising multiples can provide clarity and direction, especially during times of uncertainty.

Implementing practical solutions

After speaking with Renata, Helene and Gordon focused on implementing practical strategies to manage the twins’ behaviour at home. One of the most important changes was making their expectations clearer and more consistent. “We talked about being clear with the boys about what would happen if they misbehaved, so expectations felt predictable rather than changing in the moment,” Helene explained. This approach helped Jack and George better understand the consequences of their actions and made it easier for the parents to manage disruptive behaviour.

Another technique they adopted was giving the boys time warnings before transitions, such as preparing for dinner. This allowed the twins to mentally prepare for changes in routine rather than being caught off guard. Over time, these small adjustments had a significant impact, helping create a steadier and more predictable environment in the home. “The boys learnt that if we say no, that’s a no and we are not going to be persuaded,” said Helene.

The key takeaway here is that consistency in parenting, clear communication, and manageable expectations can help improve behavior. Practical techniques, like giving time warnings and following through with consequences, can create a more harmonious home.

The importance of connection

For Helene, the support she received from Twins Trust was not just about practical techniques but also about feeling heard and supported during a time when she and many other parents felt isolated. “I would say Twins Trust is like a community. Joining that community, it just feels like you’re not on your own,” she said. The emotional support and reassurance Helene received from the charity helped her feel less isolated. In times of difficulty, knowing there’s a network of people who understand your experience can make all the difference in how you cope with challenges.