Mental health and self-care tips for parents of multiples

Psychotherapist and twin mum Sophie shares what’s helped her look after herself while caring for her babies. Sophie is mum to twins Marnie and Rex and has benefitted from Twins Trust clubs, where she’s met other parents who understand what it’s like to raise multiples.

When the logistics hit

“I can’t help you, I’m afraid, unless you take the children out of the buggy.”

I was on my way to meet a friend and her baby, but I’d missed my stop. This station had no lift. I asked a member of staff if they could help me carry the buggy, with my sleeping twins inside, up some steps and over to another platform.

I felt like bursting into tears. It’s moments like these when the emotional enormity of being a twin mum lands all at once. You’re managing the logistics of getting to a new place, seating the babies, soothing the grizzling, handing out snacks, changing nappies, and trying to keep everything moving. By the time I finally sat down with my friend, I think we exchanged about five sentences.

Motherhood can feel lonely. With twins, it can feel even more alienating, because the practical barriers alone can make you feel shut out of everyday life.

I trained as a psychotherapist, and I’ve done a lot of personal therapy. Before I became a mum, I generally felt grounded when life was stressful. But the transition into motherhood threw me into a completely new world. Trying to meet two babies’ needs at the same time is both emotionally and physically draining, and I didn’t want anyone to see me as someone who wasn’t coping.

Postnatal anxiety and/or depression are a significant risk for mothers of multiples. A Twins Trust report states that approximately one in five mothers of twins and triplets receives a diagnosis of postnatal depression. During my babies’ first year, there are a few tools that have helped me stay in relatively good mental health.

Connecting with others

In my work, I’ve supported many clients living with depression. When people feel low, they often withdraw. That can deepen loneliness and create a cycle that’s hard to break.

There have been days when I’ve felt hopeless and trapped. What helps, again and again, is sharing how I’m feeling with someone I trust. Sometimes it’s a short text to another twin mum. Sometimes it’s talking to my partner. Linking up with Twins Trust clubs was also a turning point, because I found other parents who truly “get it”.

I’ve learnt that when you show your vulnerability, others often show it too. I’ve become better at asking for help, even when that feels uncomfortable. For parents of multiples, that connection matters. So much of life with twins happens behind closed doors, and it’s easy to feel isolated without even realising it.

Staying in the moment

As mums, we’re programmed to be “maternally preoccupied”. We’re constantly scanning the wants, needs and feelings of our babies. When I’m out with the twins, that can tip into anxiety about what could go wrong.

Mindfulness can help. Jon Kabat-Zinn defined mindfulness as an “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally”. I try to remind myself that if I’m truly in the moment, tuned into what I can see, hear and feel, there’s less space for “catastrophising” about the future.

Making time for myself

Some parents feel guilty about leaving their children to do something for themselves. But if you’re happier, your children are more likely to be happy too. For parents of multiples, especially if you’ve got other children as well, finding time to nurture yourself can feel impossible.

Our days can be packed with things on the “to do” list, and plans can go awry at any time. What’s helped me is looking ahead at the week and setting aside small pockets of time that are just for me. Doing something small can bring a renewed sense of calm and energy.

Finding support

As parents of multiples, we need to speak out about mental health, so we don’t feel alone. On good days, I feel so lucky to have twins. On bad days, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

That’s the emotional rollercoaster of parenting multiples. I still feel some anxiety about how people might judge me for sharing the harder emotions. But that’s exactly what we need to challenge. Parents shouldn’t have to carry shame on top of everything else.

If you need a listening ear, you can call the Twins Trust helpline and speak to a parent who can offer support.