Twin mum Kelly shares how routine supported her mental health

When you discover you’re having two or more babies, so many thoughts go through your head.

From whether your car will suit your family or if everyone will fit in your house. You immediately think about how your life will change and the impact it might have on your mental health and wellbeing.

Kelly shares how important it was for her to keep on track of her mental health when she had boy/girl twins, Jessica and Henry, in 2015.

Twins Trust can help support your journey through parenthood and if you’re worried about your mental health or wellbeing, you can find a safe space to connect with other families on our online communities. You can also call our helpline.

She said: “If I know someone expecting twins, I always tell them about Twins Trust.

“I remember feeling like a bit of a fraud in the early days of having my twins. I loved the birth to four-years-old stage. Obviously I had moments where I was exhausted.”

The early weeks at home

As Kelly was under the care of a consultant at hospital due to her twin pregnancy, she didn’t have a local midwife.

She added: “No-one was checking me after I returned from hospital. When the twins were 12-weeks-old I got them weighed at the local health centre. The woman that weighed them looked and me and asked how I was. I remember absolutely breaking down. They were 12 weeks old and nobody had checked on me.

“I sobbed and sobbed. I hadn’t told anybody how much I was struggling in the first 12 weeks. I don’t think it was anything unusual, it was sheer exhaustion.”

At this stage, it really hit home for Kelly the impact having twins had had on her life and her wellbeing. Her husband was working long days and she was at home caring for the babies.

Finding your feet

One thing she did to help her wellbeing was create a good routine for the twins’ nap time, which also resulted in a bit of ‘me time’ for her.

“I loved taking them out with our three dogs. I’d make myself a sandwich to take with me for the walk. We’d be out for the whole nap time and it worked for us. I would sit down and have my sandwich and that was my quiet time. I loved that little bit of time,” she said.

Kelly said meeting another twin mum also really helped her mental health. She said: “A lady came up to me in the supermarket and said she couldn’t believe I was out of the house. She also had twins and we swapped phone numbers. She became one of my best friends. It helped having another twin mum to talk to. She told me about TAMBA (Twins Trust’s former name).

“I was so lonely in the first six months of the twins being born, until I found my feet and got into a routine. I’m not a very routine person, I like to be spontaneous. I had to change my whole personality to become really routine-driven to cope with twins. That was hard.

“It’s so important to speak about mental health so you don’t feel alone. Having support matters so much. You can join Facebook groups and find other parents and read their stories.”

When life changes again

Kelly said her mental health was impacted when Jessica and Henry started school. “I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. They went from being my whole world and then it was just me and I didn’t know what to do.

“When Jessica turned seven, she was diagnosed with autism. Everything changed for the family. It had a massive impact on my mental health. I had an expectation of what our lives were going to be like and all of a sudden, that changed. We had issues with schools and the walks weren’t cutting it anymore to help me.

“I did two things for me. One is boxing – that’s an absolute game changer. It makes me feel in control and strong. It’s so good for my mental health.

“Someone said to me when I was really struggling you need to find your silence. Something you can do and focus on that and it shuts everything else out. I didn’t find my silence with boxing but I did when I joined a shooting club. Nobody there knew me outside the club. I’m not Kelly, a twin mum, I’m just someone who goes to the club.”

Outside of her hobbies, Kelly said making time with her husband is crucial for her wellbeing too. “Date nights are not always easy as not everybody is happy to babysit twins, so that makes it harder. We make sure it’s a priority that we spend time together.”