Twin development milestones: embracing different personalities and timelines

Moving through the developmental phases with her twin sons, Bodhi and Herbie, has brought a mix of fear, anticipation, hope and celebration for mum Catherine. She finds herself eager for them to reach each milestone, and she often feels emotional when they do.

Catherine is also an identical twin. That lived experience means she is very aware of the comparisons people make when it comes to twins, triplets or more, and she has worked hard to avoid doing the same with her own children.

For lots of parents, milestones can feel like a constant stream of questions. Is this ‘on time’? Should I be worried? Why does one twin seem to do everything first? Twins Trust is here to support you and you can find guidance on when to ask for advice and where to turn.

Catherine said: “I have identical twin boys, aged two-and-a-half years. When they were born, Bodhi (twin one) weighed 5lb 5oz, while Herbie was much smaller at 3lb 12oz. From the start, I held an expectation (sometimes proven wrong!) that Herbie, as the smaller twin, might be slower to reach developmental milestones.

“As an identical twin myself, I have always disliked being compared to my twin sister, whether physically, in terms of height, or in terms of ability, such as who is faster, or academically, who is ‘smarter’. I have made a conscious effort not to compare my own twins. I want each of them to be seen and celebrated as individuals, with their own pace and personality.

Seeing them as individuals

As Bodhi and Herbie have grown, Catherine said their distinct personalities have become more apparent. Bodhi is more lively and bold, while Herbie is more gentle and sensitive. Those differences have helped Catherine step back from expectations and focus on what each child needs in the moment, rather than what anyone thinks “should” happen next.

At the same time, she admits she has often felt on edge waiting for the next milestone.

She added: “As they were growing, perhaps partly because they were born prematurely at 35 weeks, I found myself constantly eager for them to reach each milestone. I wanted to know they could achieve it, yet I do not think I took the time to fully embrace the beauty of the stillness before the chaos that comes once multiples are on the move.

“Once Bodhi and Herbie started crawling, I quickly realised the need to be constantly alert. They would often move at speed in opposite directions encountering unforeseen hazards along the way. One thing that really helped during this stage was getting a playpen. Having a safe, contained space downstairs at home meant I could place them there while preparing food or managing household tasks, giving me peace of mind.

“The stage I find trickiest is when they start walking. Bodhi and Herbie are confident, fast walkers and runners. It is a joy to see them moving independently, something I once hoped for, but it also brings a lot of worry about keeping them safe when out and about. For families navigating this phase, my main tip is to prioritise safe, enclosed spaces. Parks with fences or small soft play areas with controlled access work well, as they allow multiples to explore freely.”

Holding on to each stage, while moving forward

As the boys hit each milestone and head towards the next, Catherine learned the importance of observing and responding to their individual personalities and needs. She found that both twins can be influenced by their surroundings, their energy levels and the situation they are in.

She also speaks openly about the feelings that can come with progress. Alongside pride and relief, there can be a sense of loss for the stage that has just passed, especially when two children move on at the same time.

She added: “Moving through the developmental phases with Bodhi and Herbie has been a mix of fear, anticipation, hope and celebration. Each milestone met brought a little bit of mourning for the stage left behind, particularly when they both reach that new milestone.
“Bodhi and Herbie are distinct in temperament, but their personalities are also fluid and context-dependent. Respecting their preferences and unique quirks, whether in play, movement, or social interactions, has helped me nurture their individual development.

Speech and language development is another area where the twin bond has both benefits and challenges. Bodhi and Herbie definitely had their own ‘twin language’ from around one to two-years-old, using sounds and gestures that we could not discern as parents, but they definitely knew what they were talking about.

“My perspective as a parent of twins is also undoubtedly shaped by the fact I am an identical twin myself. Bodhi and Herbie share a special closeness which provides both comfort and support.”