It is a tricky situation returning to work after a huge loss because at work, life 'goes on'. As your entire world is crumbling and falling apart, everyone else's world is continuing as they always have, regardless of what's happened to you. It's hard to join them in that world when you feel so empty.
About the author: Harley Cunningham
The information on these pages has been authored by Harley Cunningham, who experienced the heartbreaking loss of her two-year-old twin son, James, to bronchopneumonia in 2021. She now works with her HR team to bridge the gap between employee needs and company support.
Returning to work can feel surreal as everyone around you is carrying on as normal. Some companies provide bereavement leave, although it's often only three to five days. It's worth trying to understand whether you can reduce work hours or leave work altogether for a while. You might be able to take some unofficial time off. Even so, you might need to go back to work before you're ready.
You may feel anxious in the days before you return. There's a dilemma in your mind - do I tell people? Do I not tell people? Do I get someone else to tell them? Should I sit everyone down when I get there and be open and honest about what has happened (which is a very brave thing to do)? How do you want people to treat you?
There's no right answer on what you should or shouldn't do. This guidance offers tools, options and strength to ask for what you need. If you're an employer or a colleague, this will help make the return to work as easy as possible for your staff.
You can work your way through the advice in order, or jump straight in wherever feels right for you and your journey.
How you might feel returning to work
Returning to work is hard. We talk about going 'back' to work, but most parents feel there is no 'going back'.
Informing your manager about your loss
It's hard picking up the phone and telling your manager what happened. Neither of you expected to have this conversation.
Coping at work after a loss
Taking care of yourself once you're back at work is important but there are ways you can make it a little easier.
Dealing with insensitive comments at work
Insensitive comments aren't as frequent as they were 10 or 20 years ago, but they still do happen.
Self-care in the workplace following a loss
It's important to be gentle with yourself when you return to work.
Improving bereavement support in the workplace
Bereavement and baby loss is an inevitable part of life and many organisations recognise the importance of supporting employees during such times.
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