Bereaved twin mum transforms workplace mental health in son's memory

Harley became a twin mum in May 2019, when her sons Edward and James arrived early. She remembers the intensity and pride of those first weeks.

She said: "In May 2019 I had twin boys Edward and James. They were premature but I felt amazing, knowing I had twins. I was very sleep deprived but I felt like super mum."

James had been prone to viral related wheeze from four months old, so illness wasn’t unfamiliar. In February 2021, he developed cough and cold symptoms and went to bed early. During the night Harley checked on the boys and realised something was seriously wrong.

She said: "Little did I know at the time but he had onset pneumonia. We thought it was a cold. It wasn't like the wheeze symptoms he had had in the past. I checked James at 4am and gave him some water. I went back in less than five minutes later and James had gone cold. I screamed and took him out the bed and my husband Pete did CPR."

James was taken to hospital, but he couldn’t be saved. Harley said: "It was the worst day I've ever had. We found out a month later on the coroner's report it was bronchopneumonia."

‘I felt so alone’

In the months that followed, Harley describes a loneliness that made everyday life feel unfamiliar. She took four months away from work, then returned, carrying the weight of what had happened while still parenting Edward.

Harley said: "Months after his death I felt so alone. I took four months off work and then I returned. I had lost my identity. I felt I had failed as a mother. Everything had changed. You have this life planned out and you never expect your child to die."

Turning love into action can be part of remembering

Alongside these changes, Harley began training to be a counsellor. At home, life continued to hold both loss and new beginnings. In January 2023, Harley, Pete and Edward welcomed baby John into their family.

Her workplace work has been recognised with awards, including Best Returner at the Women in Tech Excellence Awards in 2022, and the 'It Can Happen' Founders' Choice Award in June 2023 for outstanding service to mental health. The recognition is meaningful, but it also carries the truth of why it happened at all.

Speaking about the awards, she said: "I have mixed feelings about them. I felt sad I had to get the awards as James had died. But I was really happy that all the work I had done was helping other people in James's honour."

For families living with the death of a twin, or grieving a child while continuing to parent, Twins Trust’s Bereavement Service offers understanding, peer support and a community that recognises how unique this loss can feel. For those returning to work while grieving, having the right language, compassionate policies and ongoing check-ins can make a real difference.

Two months after James’s death, Harley reached out to Twins Trust Bereavement Service, and found the support she needed, even on the days when words felt impossible.

Harley said: "Twins Trust was amazing. I had a befriender in the early days who spoke to me as and when I needed support. Sometimes I couldn't speak and I didn't want to speak. I remember crying on the sofa for an hour with my peer supporter volunteer and she listened to me. I became a peer support volunteer because I value the service so much. I meet all these mums who have had losses similar to mine in their lives. The strength of these mums is amazing, you don’t know how strong you are until something like this happens to you."

Sharing your story can help others

Returning to work, Harley noticed how quickly support can fade once the first shock has passed. She wanted something kinder, more realistic, and longer-lasting for anyone facing bereavement.

She said: "I went back to work and I was a shell of a person. I wasn't sleeping well or motivated and I was forgetful. I think workplaces are really good at supporting you in the early days but months go by and people forget. I got 10 days' bereavement leave from the day of bereavement and a phone number to an Employee Assistance Programme helpline.

Working with HR at Virgin Media O2, Harley created a survey about grief in the workplace and received 600 responses. That insight became practical change, including employee and manager toolkits to help people talk about grief with more confidence and care.

Harley also created a ‘Hug in a Box’ for colleagues who have been bereaved, including comforting items and her personal story, to remind people they are not forgotten after the first days and weeks.