Pregnant with twins: our journey to parenthood

Frank and his wife Frankie had twin boys in July 2022.

Frank reflects on their rollercoaster journey, how their boys arrived the day before their wedding, and the impact it had on their mental health as new parents of twins.

For many families expecting twins or more, especially when there are complications in pregnancy or time spent in neonatal care, the emotional load can feel huge. Worry, exhaustion and uncertainty can all build up alongside the practical demands of hospital appointments and looking after babies.

Frank and Frankie completed the Twins Trust Preparing for Twins (LINK) course, which they said helped them so much as they started their journey to parenthood.

A positive result

Everybody is on a journey and, for some, their mental health and experiences can add detours and bumps in the road. With a good support network and awareness of help and opportunities, some of those barriers can be easier to navigate.

In January 2022, my partner and I discovered that we were going to be having a baby. Our path to that point had been difficult, and the route we took was demanding on our well-being as we undertook a round of IVF. That stressful process made the news even more positive when we finally saw that positive result.

Because the pregnancy followed IVF, we had early scans at our clinic. At the third scan we were completely taken aback when the doctor said, "there is one baby with a healthy heartbeat and hold on... here's another one. Congratulations, there's two!". We had only transferred one embryo during the IVF cycle, so finding out it was twins was a huge shock. It felt like a miracle.

Going through a round of IVF is more demanding, physically and mentally, on the female, but we were both going through it together and it was a very stressful time. Trying to balance one or two appointments a week at a clinic before or during work, as well as the mental challenge and juggling everything in the day, is so hard. My employer, Twining Enterprise, was so supportive during this time.

The miracle and tiny percentages continued when we found out we were having Monochorionic Diamniotic twins (MCDA). These result from one fertilised egg splitting in two early in development, meaning the twins are identical. The twins were in two separate sacs but the placentas joined to each other. They needed more monitoring.

From week 24 we were being regularly monitored. We were then told that twin A wasn't getting enough from the placenta and there was resistance in the cord. For a while this seemed to improve, but at week 29 we went for what would be our final appointment and Frankie was admitted to hospital for a Caesarean section within 24 hours. All three blood flows – to the brain, heart and bladder – were either showing resistance or low levels of fluid going to twin A.

This also happened to be the weekend we were due to get married. We had 100 guests booked to celebrate our special day, but instead we welcomed two beautiful identical boys, Theo and Ezra, born on 29 July at 11.45pm. Our guests understood and sent so many kind messages. It was a whirlwind and frightening time, but we were in good hands.

A long journey ahead

Both babies needed special respiratory and feeding care in the neonatal unit. They had a long journey ahead. The doctors and nurses’ main job was to look after our babies, but they also did everything they could to make us feel comfortable and as happy as possible.

We had no idea we were going to spend a week at Queen Charlotte's Hospital and then six weeks at Hillingdon. We didn’t know the ups and downs we would face. Every baby’s journey is different. It was such a testing time. The amount I couldn't control far outweighed what I could, and I was grateful to be aware of how to look after myself during challenging times. The seven weeks were tough but certainly worth it. Taking the twins in their car seats, driving them home and settling them in our flat was the most special moment. It came with a new set of worries about the nights and days ahead, and then what the next 18 years might look like.

I still feel there is a long way to go for people to look at both parents during pregnancy and beyond. The mother will always have the physical bearing of the child and everything that comes with it, whether sickness, aches or pains. I'm blown away by how much physical stress the body goes under and how much can be managed by mothers. I'm also aware of all the support that's needed and how much the partner will worry.

Frankie and I did the Twins Trust Preparing for Twins course (LINK), which was virtual, with several other parents expecting twins. This helped so much thanks to the content and resources shared. After the course, we are still in touch with the other parents as a support network for us all.